When I Grow Up, I Want To Be Me

 

 



"You're Free to Fly" Lithography Print Series 2009

Visiting Home is always a magical experience. Spending time with siblings, looking through your closets to find things you thought you needed only to be left behind. Everyone seems to fall into their roles growing up. My sisters bicker and I'm stuck in the middle. My mom takes on her motherly role caring for us all and telling us to clean our rooms. For me, I fell into the free spirited dreamer, the sensitive girl I've always been. Being away from my daily routine, daily chores, cooking, cleaning, errands and the never ending to do list I was able to clear my mind and open up to the present moment. I was able to find me again.

For the past 3 or 4, maybe more years I have been so focused on my goals. So focused on my Jewelry Design, graduation, senior show, soccer, moving, getting a job, my husband and my future. Somewhere a long the line I lost that Peace inside when I am creating, when I am drawing or making, the true cliché "artist" mentality.

I have of course been pursuing my dreams as a Jewelry Designer and Artist through college and now with my business, but its still different. Everything I have been doing, designing and making has been for a client, for a purpose, for an end goal. It doesn't have that pure innocent moment of creating with no agenda. To spend the whole day painting, just because.

Watercolor "Be You"

 

I pulled out many of my drawings hidden under my bed at home and remembered being in those moments of making, the process of drawing, whether you have an idea in the beginning or not it always transforms into something you never could have planned or imagined. My hands take over my mind and the magic of creating flows onto the paper. I am not worried about the world, if they will like it, if it will be good enough or if I will finish it in time. There is not timeline, no purpose and no one who needs to like it but me. Even then, If I don't love the final piece, the process fulfilled my craving and I can always change it or make it again... because its mine.

I think I have lost and found this passion over and over again temporarily consumed by commitments, the daily grind or flirting with the ideas of other "dreams." Its good to explore these interests, learn from them and continue to grow. As long as you can always come back to what really makes your heart beat, what truly gives you that peace inside and lets you be you.

"You're Free to Fly" 2009 Lithography Print Series

Jumping back in..

Its funny how being an artist call fill your life with so many beautiful unique moments and experiences. At the same time, if you aren't careful life can catch up with you and the freedom to create will slip away. There are thousands of artists out there that this has happened to. Theresthe high school art fanatic whose told by their dad they have to get a real degree or they wont pay for college. They end up in a dentist office with nothing but magazines to fill their dreams. Then there is the kid who sort of took the advice and did "Art-Ed" Don't get me wrong there is absolutely nothing wrong with teaching art, its admirable and rewarding. However, how many of those teachers are REALLY focused on their own artwork and creative ideas. Then of course theres the BFA student who was so passionate about his or her work, come graduation its on to the big world with bills to pay and no more athletic scholarship to lean on.... That one was me. 

My last post was sharing my postcards for my upcoming Senior Show at Art Ave. It was my last big moment in school as a BFA student. From the moment that show started my life has been on fast forward, rushing past without a pause. After that show was packed up, the next day I drove 14 hours to New Hampshire back to my family. Sounds peaceful right, it wasn't. After unpacking an over packed Van full of stuff I compiled over 4.5 years of school into the house I set on to continue planning my second show. I planned a dual show to sort repeat my show from school at home for all my local friends and family to experience. It was only a week later so not much unpacking or visiting with family happened.

All of my artwork was up in the house for 3 or 4 days and then it all came down along with the suitcases again. Now I was off to Houston Texas. After only being home for about 2 weeks with not much relaxation or organization I was on a plane to Texas a few days before Christmas, first Christmas away from home, my family and my sisters. I was off to spend it with my Husband, our first Christmas on our own! Exciting right?!

Of course the adventure moving cross country sounds fun but it was difficult. We were basically thrown into the biggest state in the Country where we only knew a few people and they were all at-least 5 hrs or more away anyways. We made the best of it, started building our collection of things and used furniture, and got jobs of course! As you can imagine there wasn't too much artistic creativity happening but I guess thats what happens when you grow up, get married, move away and start a life with someone, right. 

Needless to say we finally started to get settled, I got my Jewelers bench set up in our bedroom and began organizing my tools and collections. Before I knew it we were packing our bags again and headed to Oregon for Juniors new job. To make a long story still kind of long we are now in Oregon I love it here, its beautiful and life is good. We are very busy with our jobs and building relationships and building our new home. Finally, its time to get back to what I really want to do....Creating. Sharing. Exploring. Making. Doing.

Easier said then done. I still have a full time job working for Jared, the Galleria of Jewelry! On top of that Im married, I need to exercise, make meals, clean my house, walk my dog, build relationships, go to church, etc. etc. etc. Life gets in the way sometimes and I have really been struggling with this. Not only my current situation but future as well. What will happen when I decide to have children!? Will I even have time to dream have creative ideas never mind put them into action. Its something many of us deal with, The balance. 

Until very recently I thought I had to give several things up to really make my dreams become a reality. However thats not true, it just takes a bit more focus, determination and planning. At this point I still have a job, a husband, a dog, a home, a gym membership, and most importantly my studio.

I made my space to work, I have everything set up to make. I am getting my blog back, posting images of work, reworking my logo, organizing contracts, building a web presence, drawing, designing, and planning events and shows. 

It will only happen if you jump back in and make it happen.