When I Grow Up, I Want To Be Me

 

 



"You're Free to Fly" Lithography Print Series 2009

Visiting Home is always a magical experience. Spending time with siblings, looking through your closets to find things you thought you needed only to be left behind. Everyone seems to fall into their roles growing up. My sisters bicker and I'm stuck in the middle. My mom takes on her motherly role caring for us all and telling us to clean our rooms. For me, I fell into the free spirited dreamer, the sensitive girl I've always been. Being away from my daily routine, daily chores, cooking, cleaning, errands and the never ending to do list I was able to clear my mind and open up to the present moment. I was able to find me again.

For the past 3 or 4, maybe more years I have been so focused on my goals. So focused on my Jewelry Design, graduation, senior show, soccer, moving, getting a job, my husband and my future. Somewhere a long the line I lost that Peace inside when I am creating, when I am drawing or making, the true cliché "artist" mentality.

I have of course been pursuing my dreams as a Jewelry Designer and Artist through college and now with my business, but its still different. Everything I have been doing, designing and making has been for a client, for a purpose, for an end goal. It doesn't have that pure innocent moment of creating with no agenda. To spend the whole day painting, just because.

Watercolor "Be You"

 

I pulled out many of my drawings hidden under my bed at home and remembered being in those moments of making, the process of drawing, whether you have an idea in the beginning or not it always transforms into something you never could have planned or imagined. My hands take over my mind and the magic of creating flows onto the paper. I am not worried about the world, if they will like it, if it will be good enough or if I will finish it in time. There is not timeline, no purpose and no one who needs to like it but me. Even then, If I don't love the final piece, the process fulfilled my craving and I can always change it or make it again... because its mine.

I think I have lost and found this passion over and over again temporarily consumed by commitments, the daily grind or flirting with the ideas of other "dreams." Its good to explore these interests, learn from them and continue to grow. As long as you can always come back to what really makes your heart beat, what truly gives you that peace inside and lets you be you.

"You're Free to Fly" 2009 Lithography Print Series